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Friday, April 25, 2014

How To Be In Love With A Friend: From An Overly Emotional Teenageer


     I'm sitting here typing this post and in deep, deep thought. The problem with this is that I really don't know what to think. I went to the movies with a friend of mine yesterday and it was great. Our movie times are moments that I have begun to cherish. There was so much laughter and enjoyment and it was normal at first, but I took one look at that smile of his and saw how it lit up his whole face and it hit me.

 I am hopelessly in love with him. 

 Shit.

I have known this information for a very long time, but yesterday it really hit me and now what is a person to think, but: What the fuck do I do?

Do I confess my profound feelings for him and tell him that I want to be more than friends and that when I am around him all I want to do is to press my mouth against his and feel his warmth?

Or do I sit back and just stare at him from afar and watch as I progress more and more into being 'just a friend.' 

It's confusing, however. I really don't know what I want from him. I just want him to put his frail arm around me and smile. I want him to joke and laugh with me as we are now, but every once in a while, I want him to call me beautiful and kiss me. 

I don't want a relationship.

How funny that sounds! It, yes, sounds like a relationship, but I don't want him to be my boyfriend. I want him to be that, without the title because it ruins the beauty of the kind of relationship we have. I've always dated my friends and when they go from the title, "friend" to "boyfriend", everything changes. 

I will never understand why, but it always happens. 

I think I should just give it some time and see what happens, I just needed to get it out in the world. My name is BLAH BLAH BLAH and I am undoubtley and passionately in love with my good friend. 

There's another dilemma. I'm in a relationship right now. I can be a harlot, a whore, a filandering floozy or whatever you choose to call me, but that's how it is. The Honeymoon Phase when we first got together was great. It was wonderful, but later on we were at each other's throats. We've grown apart and I can't seem to end it. Not because I care, but because I don't want to be the bitch who ripped my friend's heart out.  What's a girl to do? Sit here and think, think, think. 

Fuck you romantic comedies and also, a giant FUCK YOU to Jim and Pam Halpert for giving me unrealistic expectations on how to deal with things regarding to the heart, because YOU WERE NO HELP.




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